document updated 16 years ago, on Jan 19, 2010
Being able to influence the framing of an issue is important.
- "I pay for the electricity that you use to keep me awake at night."
(she suggests that she has "lots of friends" who would let her stay at their place if I kicked her out. But that's simply not true. Even if it were true though, she doesn't have any friends who would 1) let her move in, 2) let her have a big room of her own, and 3) let her treat her host like shit. They would kick her out immediately if she pulled that.)
- "A gift is different from a demand."
(she often says that I owe her back for all the love and care that she freely gave me, but I don't feel that it's valid to directly compare the two)
- "So I'm obligated to let you be a freeloader forever?"
(but then she minimizes the value of the support I'm giving her, by saying that I have a long way to go until I'm able to pay her back)
- "You feel trapped in this situation, and that breeds resentment. But I'm not the one who put you in this situation. I'm the only family member who's paying $500 a month to help you out, but I'm also the only one living here with you, so I get associated with the day-to-day animosity. In return for helping you out, our relationship suffers. Nobody means for that to happen, that's just the way it is. But it's also terribly unfair, so I want this situation to end sooner rather than later."