document updated 14 years ago, on Sep 5, 2010
There's a well-known concept of fag hags — when two people become friends because their attraction is likely to remain strictly platonic. There are other pairings than just gay-man/straight-women that can remain platonic.
(note: Here, I make the distinction between subject and object. Subject is the primary person we're considering, and object is the person that the subject is considering making friends with. The object is the group that the subject has the smallest probability of being sexually/romantically attracted to. When multiple options are listed, the first one is the one with the highest preference.)
(see also: homosocial, heterosocial)
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| bisexual men
| gay men
lesbian women
| This one describes me.
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|---|
| bisexual men
| lesbian women
gay men
|
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|---|
| bisexual women (lean androphilia)
| lesbian women
gay men
|
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|---|
| bisexual women (lean gynephilia)
| gay men
lesbian women
|
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|---|
| gay men
| lesbian women
any women
| Women are "safer" platonic friends generally, since they supposedly don't form spurious attractions as readily as guys do.
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| lesbian women
| gay men
| Straight men? Rarely. Though they exist — google lezbro OR lesbro
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|---|
| straight men
| straight men
| In theory, they could seek lesbian women as platonic friends, but that porn depiction thing hampers it a lot.
|
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| straight women
| straight women
gay men
|
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|---|
(Note: Yes, this table totally supports the gender binary, something I usually avoid doing. I just did this to simplify the table. I'm not sure if/how the table would change once non-binary identities and attractions are introduced into the picture. Probably WAY more complex, unless you could restate it in formula form.)
Who I am
- self-identity: trans-feminine, leans masculine for now
I'm just coming out of the closet though. Historically, I've been completely cis-male. I have no idea what the future holds, I've been all over the map. It's even possible I could turn out to be completely (gender binary) trans-woman. Who knows.
- romantically/sexually attracted to: pansexual, 70% gynephilia/30% androphilia
I'm just coming out of the closet on this one too. Historically, I've been completely gynephilia, but it's now obvious that I'm attracted to some guys. In the future, I don't see this changing much. Also, in terms of non-binary, I've ALWAYS been CLEARLY attracted to androgynous women.
- platonically attracted to: lesbian women (I think)
Historically, I've been completely homosocial (100% straight dude). I have tended to avoid gay men due to internalized homophobia, as well as market conditions. Currently, I'm more attracted to lesbians than gay men, since I'm looking to have increased femininity in my life (because I identify as more feminine now, and that's something I haven't been able to explore until very recently). However, it's possible that internalized homophobia is driving me away from gay men as well. And it's possible that my sexual attraction for female tops means that I'm probably secretly sexually attracted to butch lesbians. I suspect there's some other reasons I'm secretly attracted to them as well.
Plus there's the trope that straight guys view lesbians as exotic unicorns, that media (porn) portrays in completely unrealistic ways. I really REALLY hope I don't have any of this internalized anymore, but I won't deny that it's possible there's still some left.
Generally, these are the specific things that I'm exploring lately, that I didn't have the opportunity to explore before, so I'm really focusing on them now.
- self identity: my femininity
- sexual/romantic attraction: guys (never dated), women (haven't dated for a while)
- platonic attraction: women generally, and lesbian women (though it's still not clear if there's some internalized discrimination against gay guys, or internalized weird attraction for lesbians, that's driving this)