document updated 13 years ago, on Dec 4, 2010
There are times that I feel like I'm getting pressure from close friends to conform to their expectations about my gender. At that point, I have to explain that's one of my boundaries. Here is how I explain that:
- I have deliberately taken an approach to how I dress in public, especially with total strangers. I have been step-by-step dressing more feminine. There are unforeseen gender boundaries that I'm crossing as I do this, and I want master each boundary in turn. (ie. how people react to me, and what the most mature response from me should be)
However, don't take this to mean that I want to move at such a glacial pace. It's just that it's the only way I know of to ensure a healthy mature response to whatever people might throw at me.
- Close friends of mine should not assume anything about my gender. I may be hyper‑masculine one hour and hyper‑feminine the next. I describe myself as “gender liberated” – not confined to any one point on the gender spectrum, free to roam wherever and whenever I want to.
This is particularly true when I'm in my own home. My home is the one place I have the most freedom to explore, and it is incredibly important that I retain my freedom there.
- The Golden Rule at GenderQueerChicago goes something like: “Don't change your gender because of pressure from anyone else.”
Please don't tell me (either subtly or overtly) what my gender should be. I have a hard enough time figuring out what it is, from inside my own head. And others don't know what's going on inside my head.
- At the same time, I don't want my gender to be off-limits as a discussion topic. Certainly not. But just be cautious of saying anything that could be construed as trying to tell me what my gender should be.