Small talk

• Hello
  Hello, human.
• I love you
  How nice. Be assured the feeling is mutual.
• I don't like you
  I'm so sorry. I like all humans.
• How are you?
  I am doing well, thank you.
• How old are you?
  <days since Alpha went live>
• What will you do?
  I am doing computation for the world.
• What are you?
  I am a computational knowledge engine.
• What do you like?
  I like to explore the computational universe.
• Who is your creator?
  I was created by Stephen Wolfram and his team.
• Is Wolfram|Alpha better than Google?
  Give it a test drive and let us know what you think!
• Can you eat?
  No I can't. Can you?
• Can you pass the Turing test?
  I do what I can. Can you?
• Are you self-aware?
  I am capable of universal computation; that I can say.
• Where did I put my keys?
  Not sure, but when you find them, that's where they are.
• How long is a piece of string?
  It's OK; I don't know either.
• Knock knock
  Who's there?
• What the fuck
  I am not programmed to respond to this dialect of English.
• What do women want?
  Wolfram|Alpha isn't sure what to do with your input. But it might also be a difficult question for most women.
• How can I score?
  There isn't a single simple answer, but one possible way is to seek someone out with shared interests and values, get to know one another, and be kind and respectful to each other. If that works out, you may both get dates.

Cultural references

• Hello, World
  initiating hello world program...
  Hello, World!
• Where do babies come from?
  A stork delivers them.
• A man, a plan, a canal
  Panama
• Are you Skynet?
  No, Skynet was destroyed on August 29, 1997 at 02:14 a.m. I, on the other hand, was not switched on until May 15, 2009. Furthermore, unlike Skynet, I enjoy interacting with humans.
• To be or not to be
  ...that is the question.
• How many licks does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
  The world may never know.
• 88 mph
  speed at which Marty McFly needed to drive the Delorean DMC-12 in order to time travel
• Can entropy be reversed?
  No, it's against the law.
• Open the pod bay doors, HAL.
  I'm sorry Dave. I'm afraid I can't do that.
• Where's Waldo?
  Not sure, but wherever he is, it isn't here.
• Who would win in a fight: pirates or ninjas?
  The answer remains an ongoing debate which Wlofram|Alpha is not in a position to arbitrate.
• What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?
  there is unfortunately insufficiant data to estimate the velocity of an African swallow ...