criticism — criticizing not a specific action or behavior, but your partner as a whole person
contempt — treating others with disrespect and mocking them with sarcasm and condescension
defensiveness — self-protection in the form of righteous indignation or innocent victimhood in an attempt to ward off a perceived attack; reacting to their words without opening yourself up to really listening to what they’re saying
stonewalling — the listener withdraws from the interaction, shutting down and closing themselves off from the speaker because they are feeling overwhelmed or physiologically flooded
when having a difficult conversation, try a "soft start" as Gottman puts it [1][2][3]